What are Ya Doing in My Woods?
by cosmic-divinity
Summary: A fiddauthor shrek au. Mostly the same as in shrek but Bill seeks world domination through the construction of a portal and seeks an engineer to build it (Fiddleford). Stanford is a lone scientist outcasted for being considered a "freak." His adventure starts when his twin brother shows up and takes him on a journey to Bill's fortress the Fearamid.
1. Chapter 1

_I can't believe I started writing a shrek au but here we are. Based off of .com's shrek au post. Enjoy!_

Peacefulness. Quiet. That's what Stanford could describe his life at the moment. Living in a lonely cabin in the woods had its perks. No one bothered him, aside from the lost traveler from time to time. And of course, the extra fingers on his hands and the whole mad scientist vibe kept them away for good. He was able to conduct his experiments on the weird wildlife and oddities in peace. He felt quite lucky actually that he lived somewhere so unique and so out of the way that no one would bother him. There was no one around to call him a freak or a monster even. That's..how it used to be at least. Unbeknownst to Stanford Pines, his story was about to take an interesting turn.

It was the usual day for Stanford, well, almost. He had been working in his lab in the basement of his cabin when his intruder alarm blared, blinking red on the wall. It had been quite some time since anyone had wandered onto his property. Stanford grumbled to himself as the elevator brought him up and the vending machine that served as the door to his underground lab slammed open.

"Who could possibly be foolish enough to trespass on _my_ woods?"

As always, he tucked his plasma gun into the long duster he wore as he made his way outside. His silvery hair shimmered in the sun, and he grumbled some more as the sun forced him to squint at the sudden brightness. He was tempted to wear his darkened goggles because of this but chose not to. It would be best not to frighten the intruder too much, though he was sure his reputation and presence alone would scare them off. Peering into the woods, he spotted a human figure that looked to be walking toward the cabin. Stanford found himself smirking as he promptly hid behind a tree and waited for them to get closer. Just as they were about to pass by, he jumped out in front of them, letting out a deep chuckle with arms out, ready to attack if necessary. Instead, he found himself being the one that was taken aback as the intruder wore a smug smirk and crossed his arms.

"St-Stanley? What the hell? How did you find me?" he stammered.

He definitely wasn't expecting to find this intruder to be his own twin brother. He knew Stanley had chosen the vagabond life, though he wasn't sure how good being known as "the freak's twin brother" was.

"Hey, Sixer," he breathed, obvious that he was quite winded. "Sorry, I've been runnin' for quite a while. Just need to catch my breath."

Stanford preferred seclusion, but he wasn't going to deny his brother entry into his home, though he was still weary about it.

"Alright, alright, follow me. I'll get you a glass of water."

Once inside, Stanley seemed adamant on looking around in curiosity at the various trinkets and objects that decorated Stanford's cabin, reaching out to touch many of them, which Stanford had to discourage with a sharp "no" or "stop" along with pushing his hand away.

"So, what exactly were you running from? The police? I'm just guessing here. I don't know much of what goes on in the outside world these days," Stanford drawled as he handed him the glass of cold water.

Stanley chugged the whole glass in less than a minute, slamming it down on the table.

"Well, let me tell ya, Stanford. I've had quite a day. And don't even ask why I was running in this suit. It's a part of me, alright? Makes me look fancy. Anyway, I'll educate you on some current events of what's currently happening outside your little wood haven here." He took a deep inhale before continuing, collecting his thoughts together. "I suppose you could call them the police of sorts. Ya see, while you've been conducting your little research here, a tyrant, dictator I suppose would be the right word for him has rose to power, and he's makin' some crazy rules. Ya see, he has this huge, uh, pyramid thing that's his castle, and he's gatherin' up freaks. You know, just anyone who's different or would be considered abnormal. I think he's aiming for world domination, but that's just me."

"I do hope you're not making this up, Stanley. I know how good you are at weaving lies and stories," Stanford scoffed and sipped on some water himself. "But I'll play along. So, if he's gathering freaks, why were you being chased? You're pretty 'normal' in the subjective sense."

"Why else but that I'm a twin brother to someone considered a freak not just for your fingers but your smarts too. I think they wanted to use me to get to you eventually..or something along those lines. Who knows, maybe it's my belly," he chuckled as he shook it with a wink.

Stanford still wore a skeptical look, not sure if he could even believe all this. If anything, Stanley was just making up excuses to get him to let him stay here, though, he was his brother after all and one of the only people he could stand to be around.

"Well, I don't exactly believe all this still. Why don't you show me? Take me to the edge of the forest and show me this rounding up of freaks and pyramid fortress," he suggested.

The only thing that would solve this was seeing it for himself. Part of him wanted to believe his brother but the dominating skeptical part of him needed to know the truth and see for himself.

Stanley nodded, knowing how Stanford was. A bit of chatting later, and soon, Stanford was following his brother through the woods to where they ended. It was a good ten minute walk before more sunlight began to shine through the thinning trees and more blue of the sky could be seen. However, Stanford's senses were suddenly on high alert when he heard the quick snaps of several twigs, the sound of someone running in their direction.

"Get down," he whispered and yanked Stanley by his arm over and behind a nearby tree.

Stanley was about to protest when he heard the footsteps and kept quiet. Stanford stood ready, his smaller gun out and ready to fire. His brown eyes were steely and focused as he waited.

The single footsteps were accompanied by more as they heard giggles and chatter.

A higher pitched voice that sounded like a woman said, "This is the place, isn't it? Where that six fingered guy is?"

"Yeah, the cabin it lives in shouldn't be far from here. In the middle of the woods if our information is correct. But be careful, he's known to be unpredictable and dangerous."

The rest was whispers that Stanford couldn't really make out as they were getting further and further away. Soon, they were running again, and his heart dropped as it was in the direction of his cabin. It was a good thing his lab was heavily locked, hopefully it would be safe.

Sighing, he motioned for Stanley to keep walking with him to the edge of the woods. There was no turning back now. He'd rather not face the two intruders right now. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the sudden bright sunlight, but they soon went wide as he observed the flat, field like lands around him. It was entirely different than the woods he was used to. They went even wider when he noticed, in the far distance, the shape of a huge, dark pyramid floating in the air.

"Is that..the pyramid you spoke of?" he asked his twin.

"Yep. That's it. So, what are we gonna do about those two that were gunning for your place?"

As Stanford was about to answer something along the lines of he'd just shoot them or run them off his property somehow, but was cut short as a few more of these minions ran past and into his woods. One stopped that had a keyhole shape in his forehead. He was rather short as well, only coming up to Stanford's knees. A scroll suddenly appeared in front of him, and he cleared his throat as he read what was there to the two humans.

"Um, by decree, of Lord Bill Cipher, you are under arrest. Give yourself up," he stammered, obviously nervous and distressed as he looked up at Stanford.

Stanford couldn't have stopped grinning at the sheer comedy of this. In fact, he began to laugh just looking at the other.

"Oh? You're going to arrest us?" He was nearly in tears at this point. "Ha! You and what army?"


	2. Chapter 2

"W-well," Keyhole stammered.

He was only about three feet tall, and these humans towered over him. He didn't like the sneer on the six fingered one's face, not to mention he had a giant gun strapped to his back. You know, he was beginning to wonder why Bill never gave him his own weapons. These freaks were dangerous, and he was completely unarmed. The rest of his group had eagerly run off into the forest, leaving him alone.

Wearing an amused smile, Stanford took out a small side arm in his thigh holster, brandishing it in his hands with a snide grin. He bent onto his knees so he was at Keyhole's level, inching his face in closer so he could whisper, "This is the part where you run away."

Keyhole didn't need any further encouragement, he gladly took off running into the woods after the others.

"Well, that takes care of that," he sighed in relief, placing the gun back in the holster. "Come on, Stanley. I want to get to that, uh, Fearamid thing or whatever you called it."

Stan reluctantly followed after his brother, though he detested the idea of going back there. He had almost gotten captured and forcibly taken there himself, so why on earth would Stanford want to just walk directly into it, though he did feel much safer with him. He was carrying a huge gun on his back anyway, so..they'd probably be fine.

He shrugged and followed after him.

Acres upon acres of wheat fields surrounded where the Fearamid floated above the ground. It was dark and huge. Its color seemed to shift and shimmer as if not being able to decide whether or not it wanted to stay black or purple, so it took to shifting between the two. It gave off an energy that many birds and other animals stayed away from it. There were no visible doors to get in or out, but there was a teleportation beam that would simply beam people up or out of the structure. The ruler of this fortress was a being known as Bill Cipher. He was gaining quite a lot of power in this realm, but he needed more. He didn't just want to be Lord of this dimension but king of the multiverse. However, he was stuck in this dimension. In order to gain access to the rest of the multiverse, he'd need an interdimensional portal. He had the plans for one of course. He just wasn't sure how to go about building it.

"Alright, you better talk and tell me where all the oddities and anomalies have gone. Where are they hiding?"

Bill was currently interrogating a gnome who was proving to be quite difficult.

"Like I'd tell you you triangular twerp!" he spat.

He let out another yelp as the ropes pulled on his arms and legs, stretching them a bit more.

"If this keeps up, you're not even going to be a gnome anymore. You'll be much too tall," Bill laughed cruelly.

However, he was interrupted by the door slamming open and 8-Ball and Teeth walked in with a large object covered by a cloth.

"Hey, boss. We found that anomaly you were looking for," Teeth called.

"Yeah, yeah, the one that can tell you where to find someone to build the portal thing," 8-Ball chimed in.

"Ah, what perfect timing," Bill praised.

He snapped his fingers and the ropes around the gnome's wrists and ankles suddenly disappeared. "I have no more use for you. Kyrptos, take him back to his cell."

A diamond shaped being appeared, muttering a "yes sir" and took the gnome away, going right through a wall.

"Alright, now, let's see this thing in action!"

8-Ball and Teeth wheeled the large object into the center of the room in front of Bill then tugged off the sheet covering it. Revealed was a large mirror. By its design, shape, and sheer size it looked rather ancient.

"It was hiding at the bottom of a lake. Thought it was being tricky," Teeth informed.

Bill floated over so he was close to it, glancing it up and down with his one eye.

"I see. I see. Good job, boys," he nodded and continued to study the mysterious thing. "So, uh, any idea on how to turn this thing on or whatever. You know, get it to work."

The two henchmen looked to each other, giving him matching shrugs.

"Uh, we're not really sure ourselves. Maybe just..ask it to wake up?"

Bill shrugged as well, not really coming up with any better ideas on his own.

"Hey, mirror! Wakey wakey!" he shouted at it.

The mirror remained blank for a few seconds before the edges of it began to shimmer at hearing a voice calling. Soon, a white ornamental mask appeared on it. Its eyes glowed blue, and it stared back at Bill with equal curiosity.

"Well, you didn't have to be so rude," it said.

"Hey," Bill snapped, crossing his thin arms in front of him. "I'm the dictator, alright? Now, I have a question for you mirror. I need you to find me a couple of people for me."

The mirror seemed to back away a bit but nodded at the request. It was mostly 8-Ball and Teeth standing behind Bill and making punching motions that was scaring it.

"Uh, y-yes of course. Who is it you need me to find?"

Bill wore a gleeful smile with his one eye upturned to resemble one and clasped his hands together.

"Ah, excellent! There you go! Now, listen up. I need someone that can build me a great structure, an interdimensional portal. I have the plans. I simply need someone to build it. That's all."

The mirror turned its face away, deep in thought as it searched out individuals who would meet the criteria. After a few minutes, it turned back around with a smile having found three individuals that would do.

"I have found three for you to choose from, my lord."

They all looked around as game show music began to play from seemingly nowhere. The mirror went through information on the first two people with a cheerful enthusiasm.

"And now, this is Engineer number three! He's a fiery little blonde from the south with mad banjo playing skills. He's well versed in Fifth Dimensional physics and can read any blueprint like it's a children's book. It's...Fiddleford McGucket!"

Like the others, the mirror showed a picture of him with round glasses and an adorable little smile.

"Hmm, well the banjo playing might have to be changed..but.."

Bill closed his eyes, deep in thought on who he should choose. Out of all three, the third seemed most promising.

"Pick number three, my lord!" Were many of the shouts and chants coming from his henchmen. More had joined to watch the whole thing.

"Shut up, idiots! I'm trying to think!"

"Alright Lord Bill. What will it be? Engineer number one, engineer number two, or engineer number three?"

After more frantic thinking and more demands for his henchmen to shut up, Bill finally decided.

"Er, um, I'll go with number three! You happy now, idiots?" He turned to the small crowd behind him which was cheering rather loudly.

"Congratulations, Bill! You've picked Engineer number three: Fiiiidleford McGucket! Now, I should warn you, he currently resides in quite a dangerous place. It's a mountainous place guarded by a ferocious beast."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Obviously, I'm not planning to go myself. I'm going to send someone else to do it, and bring him back here."

Bill was much too busy being congratulated to be bothered with anything else the mirror had to say.

"Um, sir? You should know about a curse.."

"I don't need you anymore, bye bye!"

Bill waved him off, and the mirror was soon wheeled out once again by 8-Ball and Teeth.

"Alright, boys, we gotta get going on getting someone to go fetch the little engineer for me."

He rubbed his hands together and floated out of the room and towards his arena followed by the throng of henchmaniacs.

Around that time was when Stanford and Stanley finally reached the Fearamid after walking through what seemed like endless wheat fields.

"Finally, now let's go see what this tyrant is up to."

Stanford wore a smile as they walked toward the giant floating object, while Stanley reluctantly followed after him.


End file.
